Observations: Insecurities and Self Injury

I was planning an "encounter" today but it's being postponed so instead I'm going to observe and report on the FB page itself.


 "There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."  -quote from SI Awareness page July 11th 2011


The site is extremely quiet other than a few wall posts from those who "like" the page. I see a post from last month from a young woman. She describes her lengthy fight with self injury, a full 13 years long. She goes into talking about some of her deepest scars that she knows will never go away. The following Thursday after she posted this marked an entire year without cutting. The rest of her post is about expanding peoples knowledge about the behavior in general and how it is misunderstood by many in society but really that's nothing new to this page. It's strange how some people have these deep scars that no amount of time can ever fade away but those people can accept the fact that those scars will never fade entirely. Others however will do anything they can remove such marks. 


Imagine yourself now. Do you have insecurities? If so what are they? Are you insecure about your weight, your height, your face, toes? Now think about what it's like for you to go to class, eat lunch with a friend, meet with a professor. Can your classmates see that you're insecure about your weight/height/etc? You can hide these things so that by having lunch with a friend they can't tell you're insecure about something unless you say it to them. 


Now imagine yourself in the place of someone who self injures by cutting. Imagine it's winter time. You spend at least one day a week cutting on your arms. You can hide those cuts with sweaters, coats, sleeves until they heal and form a scar and by not waving your arms around for everyone to see. Imagine the temperature going up to 70 degrees in the spring time and you take off the sleeves for the first time. Those scars are there and unless you physically cover them up, people will see it and most importantly you will see it. Everyday it is a constant reminder that you have insecurities that people can see. So imagine meeting with a professor and you forget to put on a jacket and the moment your professor looks over they see those marks and you suddenly feel more insecure than ever because it is permanent.


I say this because it is something that is found in nearly every person in the world, we all have insecurities no matter how big or small they are. But when we factor in self injury of all kinds, even to go as far as to include trichotillomania (the compulsion to pull out hair) and eating disorders, we can see and understand better how  having something like a bald patch (trich), ribs showing (eating disorders), cuts, scars, or burns can take one's insecurity from one level to another in a matter of minutes. It doesn't take days or weeks to make a cut or a burn so the insecurity can't build up like if someone were to gain weight. This is seconds to minutes, once that first cut is made it's there and there is no going back. So by having scars or cuts on your skin it takes this fear to a much higher level. If the person self injuring isn't doing it on their arms but instead their stomach or their legs. They can't wear a bikini to the beach, they have to see their body when they get dressed, they feel those scars and cuts when they're in the shower. You can be insecure about self injury even if it's not visible to those around you, you're seeing it and that's enough to really upset a person. And I believe it's this way for every person who self injures but each person handles it differently. They all have scars but how they choose to live with it is entirely up to them, hide it or let it show.


This is a video I found on youtube of a girl having a laser treatment done for the first time. She is trying to fade the scars she has from self injury as much as possible. She also posts some before and after pictures that show her progress.